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Thursday, January 14, 2010

Curfew Violations

It's Friday Night, and your teenager is having some hang out time with his friends at anothers buddy house. They are playing video games an are doing a video football game tournament. Your son glances at his watch and sees that he has to be back at home in 15 minutes which means he has to leave in 5 minutes. But just as he is gathering up his things, one of his buddies informs him that it is his turn in the tournament.
Your son doesn't think, "I'll be late if I play this game." Teenagers instead think "I one of the best players here, I just win this game real fast and then go home." Of course the time got away from him, and he misses his curfew.

Defining the Problem
Curfew problems are most the time overlooked by parents. However, Adolescents need to learn how to disengage from what they love in order to meet their responsibilites. Imagine the career
of a young adult that can leave a conversation or project, and budget enough time to make it the next meeting and arrive on time and ready. Curfews can help teens in the world of relationships too. A person who is dependable, faithful, and focused is a person who attracts and takes care of good healthy relationships. So don't underestimate the power of curfew boundries.

Handling the Problem
Here are some tips and thing you can do to keep curfew problems to a minimum

Make sure your curfew is reasonable- Having to be home by an estavblished time will protect your teens time and life and help them learn responibility. A curfew will also allow you to keep some order within your household. Before they head out for the evening, be clear about the curfew and consequences for violating it. Keep in mind the characteristics of a good curfew.
A good curfew allows enough time for relationship- the curfew needs to be late enough so that your teen has a few hours to do something meaningful with friends. If it is too strict and early, they can't connect with their new world at a level where they can be attached. But if your teen is last of all of the friends to go home then they are no longer in community, which defeats the purpose of a relationship. (Get parents together you think are sound and try to agree on a time for all the kids to be home by.)
A good curfew provides for safety- Make the curfew early enough to protect your teen from being in situations where they might be vulnerable. (This will vary depending on age) For example your 15 year old doesn't need to be hanging out in the mall parking lot after the mall is closed. Also be aware of the local area's curfew laws, especially concerning teens who are driving.
A good curfew allows for sufficient sleep time- Make sure the curfew takes into consideration how much sleep your teen needs. Protect their tomorrow for them. If they have to get up early don't be afraid to make the curfew earlier for that night.
A good curfew has the teen's buy in- Involve the your teen in curfew setting. Curfews should change with the teen's age and maturity. Listen to their end of things, and use their input to help you make the final decision, but remember you stil have the final decision.

Always wait up for them- As a parent they will know how much your care and value them if you wait up for them to get home. Also when you do this it will give you an oppurtunity to interact with how their night went. This will also protect them from sneaking out again.

Deal with violations- Here are some straightforward guidlinesfor what to do if your teen violates curfew.
Establish a consequence and follow through with it- Remember how consequences work; they are the addition of something the teen doesn't want or the removal of something they do want. They are meant to affect your teen's future more than they are meant to be preventative. So when teens violate their curfew, it makes sense to take away some social time. Remember to follow through when they violate the curfew. Your helping them to create the ability to disengage from what they are doing in order to be responsible for a future obligation.
Differentiate between reasons and excuses- Sometimes parents have difficulty telling between a valid reason and an excuse. It helps to think about these matters ahead of time, and with your teen. Here are some typical excuses kids say to jusify why the missed a curfew, along with some responses.
I had an emergency- Certainly medical emergencies and car problem are legitimate reasons for missing curfew. Just reserve the word emergency for the real thing. For example running out of gas is not an emergency, the teen could have prevented that from happening.
My ride was late- A reason the first time, but if your teen says this often, something else is going on.
I lost track of time- ALWAYS AN EXCUSES, never a reason, Being away from home is a privilege.
The movie got out late- An excuse, theaters publish their movie times, Your teen can plan for this issue before going out.
But I called to tell you I would be late- While it's good that your teen was thoughtful enough to call, that doesn't change the fact that they violated their curfew.

You Can Do It!
Unlike some of the other behavior problems, teens who violate curfew are motivated to change when the problem behavior results in their not being able to spend time with friends. So let your creaky floor stay creaky, and pay attention to when your kid comes home.

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